We drove to Kettle Falls, my hometown in Washington state and about 8-9 hour drive from Portland yesterday. Its my first trip home since my dad died last Christmas. One of the reasons for coming home is to have a graveside service for my dad and for my grandmother, who died a few months ago. I was thinking about how it might feel as we left Portland in the morning but honestly, all day I just kept falling asleep in the car. So I didn’t really resolve any feelings but as I slept the travel day was shortened.
Coming up to the drive way of the farm, I had a moment of reluctance -I’m not sure how else to describe the feeling. I’m pretty much a realist and believer of things happening for a reason and you can’t stop life - and death from happening. It doesn’t change the fact that my heart is breaking again knowing that we don’t have the opportunity to make new memories, that I can’t share the experiences i’ve had over the last 6 months in Haiti and that my kids miss their grandfather tremendously. Farm life has shaped my beliefs- its a circle of life, the cycle of seasons. The alfalfa had been cut, the bales hauled and the as the sprinklers rotate the spray of water, the sun reflects rainbows as we drive in the drive way. Life on the farm goes on, with the help of my brother, my niece and the neighbors, my mom is able to stay on the farm. After supper, we noticed the cows had gotten out and into the field across the creek. Some things just never change. Cows always want to know what is on the other side of the fence. I’m guessing that's where the saying the grass is greener...came from. So my dad isn’t here but everything around here is a measure of who he was so he doesn’t seem gone, just not here right now.
Today I practiced the art of doing nothing- Its not easy... I did answer a few emails on my phone and read a little, slept a little, read a little more, slept a little more, made supper....don’t think I can do nothing 2 days in a row...unless it involves the river and floating and Mike’s lemonade. Lets hope the weather cooperates.
Thursday: cloudy, windy, stormy, rainy, chilly....not warm enough to swim!
Friday: almost perfect day for the river....ahhhh!
Saturday: a beautiful day for the services. Family members arrived from Colorado and Seattle and afterwards we had a potluck dinner. Its such a bittersweet time to see family members you don’t see often. Another example, that life happens. I don’t see some of my relatives for years at a time. Maybe we will make more effort to stay in touch...or maybe not.
Tuesday....I spent the past two days lazing on air mattress’ floating around on the Kettle River with my cousins and just relaxing. Now we are leaving and heading back to Portland. It was a good trip~ good to see my mom is doing pretty well on her own. She has a good bunch of neighbors that are helping her and my brother keep up with the haying and general farm management. Its never enough time for visiting (and never enough river /cousin time). Certainly the river is not a warm as the Caribbean Sea but its clean crisp current is as soothing to the soul.
1 comment:
Thanks, Gail, for the great description. Glad to hear your family is doing well. I think of your Mom often & miss your Dad. My son has such fond memories for just the few times he spent with him. He loved life, that's for sure!
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